WORDS ARE CHAOS EXCUSE ME IF I’M AT A LOSS TO CARE OF YOUR ABUNDANT JUDGMENTAL STARE MY WAY HAS DRIFTED FAR AWAY FROM THE BOORISH BROODING WE ONCE SHARED THE SUPPLANTED RANTING OF YOUR POINTLESS CHANTING HAS NO MAGIC OR DIVINE PRAYER SENDING ME TO SLUMBER OVER AND UNDER THE PAST GRASP OF AFFAIRS I CAN HEAR YOU CAN HEAR ME I DON’T LIKE ALL THIS MESS WE BREATH I’LL TEACH MYSELF ALL THE MINOR THINGS TO REST MY HEAD FROM VICES’ SLING WORDS ARE RARE AND HARD TO FIND WORDS ARE CHAOS WORDS ARE LIES THOUGHTS CAVE IN THOUGHTS ARE PAPER THIN ALL THINGS FALL APART THEN FIX AGAIN WORDS ARE TOO SLOW AND WEAK TO BREATH BEGGING FORGIVENESS BEGGING WANTS AND NEEDS WAITING IN VAIN FOR ANSWERS TO PRAYERS WORDS ARE FUN WHEN YOU FALL DOWN THE STAIRS HOPE IS SPREAD THICK LIKE LAYERS OF SHIT ACTION IS THE FEAR SCARING THE RICH WORDS ARE CHAOS WORDS ARE LIES WORDS ARE CHAOS © 2020 S. D. MORRIS

CHECKING MY FINGERS FOR HOLES 04/04/20 CHECKING MY FINGERS FOR HOLES I FEEL I’M LOSING MY BONES THE MAN WHO TELLS THE STORIES IS DIEING WITHOUT GIVING US THE END AS HE LAYS HIS HEAD THE WORDS HE HAS SAID FACE DEATH AS IF THEY HAD LIVED THE WEIGHT OF CREATION SMOTHERED BY IMPENDING DEATH I REACH OUT MY HANDS TO CATCH HIS THOUGHTS LIKE PRAYERS PRECIOUS TO SAVE LIVES MAKE WAVES STORIES CREATE CHANGE WORDS WEIGH HEAVIER THAN THE WARS THEY WAGE WORDS CAN RAGE PLEASE REMEMBER OUR BEST ADVENTURES TOYS IN OUR HANDS LAUGHTER IN OUR EYES NEVER KNOWING WHAT COMES NEXT IS THE BEST SURPRISE © 2020 S. D. MORRIS

GIVING LIFE TO FRAGILE THINGS 02/29/20 S.D. MORRIS MOTHER HOLDS HER CHILD CHILD HOLDS HER SOUL THE GUT IS ACHING STILL SHARP PAINS YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL GIVING LIFE TO FRAGILE THINGS THEY ONLY CRY BECAUSE THEY LEFT THEIR WINGS MOTHER HOLDS HER CHILD CHILD HOLDS HER SOUL AND ALL THE FEELINGS YOU EVER HAD ALL YOU EVER WERE SUDDENLY UNFOLDS I GAVE YOU MY FACE BUT NO ONE SMILES THE WAY YOU DO ALL THE BEST OF ME I SAVED FOR YOU ALL THE LOVE I HAVE IN ME FOR YOU GOD IS ACHING STILL THE GOD IN YOU FATHER HOLDS HIS CHILD CHILD HOLDS MY SOUL BE WHO EVER YOU WISH TO BE WITH ME YOU’LL ALWAYS HAVE A HOME © 2020 S. D. MORRIS

get up! lay down!

THE BRAVE RETURN OF THE COWARD 4/29/20 SMALL PARTS OF BIGGER FIXTURES LITTLE LOOKS AT LARGER PICTURES A BIT OF ROAMING A LOT OF PLAY QUIET WORDS WITH MUCH TO SAY TAKE YOUR PIECE I’LL TAKE MINE WE WILL REDUCE IT IN GOOD TIME HAVE YOUR PRACTICE ENJOY YOUR GAME LOOK AT THE FLOOR AND THE CEILING LIKE THEYRE THE SAME PROP UP YOUR HEAD IN DIRTY HANDS AND ARMS COVER YOUR EARS WHEN THEY START THE ALARMS THIS MEANS NOTHING THIS IS GARBAGE TRASH IN WORDS FOR FUN AND WASTE I HAVE A THOUGHT OR TOO MANY OR TOO FEW I AM NEARLY AS ECCENTRIC AS THE REST OF YOU BORED SOMETIMES BUT NEVER NOT ENOUGH SITTING WITH A POSTURE OF A DOUGHY CUSS MAKING FRIENDS LIKE MAKING ENEMIES IN ADVANCE HOLDING UP MY HAND ASKING QUESTIONS OF CHANCE TOO FEW I QS HIGHER THAN DIRT TOO LITTLE BIG THOUGHTS ARE MADE OF GOOD WORTH GET UP THE COURAGE TO BE A COWARD CRYING TO STRANGERS IS A STIFF POWER HOUSE PILL ANTI-DEPRESSANTS AND VITAMIN B COCKTAILS OF HERBS ESSENTIALLY FREE GOD FORBID WE WEEP LIKE ANGELS HOLY HELL HEAVEN BENDS IMPROPER ANGLES LOOKING UP TO LOOK DOWN THE FEET SIT ON THE HEAD LIKE A CROWN ARMS WAVE OUTLOAD WHILE THE MONKEYS THROW THOUGHTS IN WAVES OF SHIT AND SHAME ALL THE DEAD LOOK QUITE LIKE DANCERS IF SPINNING IS ALL INSANE FINGERS COUNT IN TWOS THREES AND FOURS PEELING UP DIRTY SPLINTERS OFF THE CRACKING FLOOR THE ANSWERS ARE UNSEAMLY UNCOUTH AND UNREAL THE QUESTIONS ARE MANY AND TIRED AND BOUNDLESS AND TRILL LOVE HERE YOU ARE LOVE LIKE A PINPOINT STAR IN A BLANK NIGHT SKY LOVE IS THE PIVOT BALANCING SHAME AND INNOCENCE ALL THE SAME

SEE ART WORK

aahhhhhhh!

The Long Echo of a Quiet Soul By S. D. Morris Chapter 1: Everything is so wonderful in a world where questions do not exist. Now… The dark room was lit with only a slight blue hue emanating from a needle tip sized hole above like a single lonely star. There was no cold in the room, as there was no warmth. No corners, no edges, just smooth waxy curves in shades of reddish orange. The room, like all the others of this structure, may be compared to a bee hive, compartmentalized, organic and sterile. The smell of ammonia lingered in the air, the aroma of a fleshy mechanism pushed to its limits. The body lay on the floor crumpled as a rag doll, thrown and tattered. Barely still tied together by strewn ligaments and skin, left beaten from a brutal torture. Patches of dried blood on a canvas of perfect skin, a skin that held no pigment, making it appear to glow under the blue light. The round head without a follicle of hair with veins pulsating in a slow unsteady rhythm running underneath the veil of the translucent skin. The unconscious face left blank with yellow pupil eyes staring lifelessly into the darkness. The mind within the body is gone but the spark of the body’s machinery is not diminished. It will again thrive as these human vessels have been engineered to do. The arms and legs will again be strong even as the mind within has been destroyed. A body left functional, it will be placed back into the system as no flesh within the hive goes to waste. Before… This culture has given its citizens health even as they have been hidden so terribly long from natural sun. All interactions are kept within this system that links together the bodies and brains of all those who inhabit the massive underground hive. Every experience is a web of electric pulses running from brain to brain, thousands of times a second. The system itself had grown into a complex brain-like computer with sections devoted to various functions away from one another yet not quite apart. No physical pain is felt. Discomfort has been erased and replaced with a quiet subtle euphoria. Lives existed to simply just be and have become unaware that they are in the process of slipping into an existence of being but one conduit passing into another. It was a gift left by generations before them designed to near perfection and fine-tuned through a slow evolution. Complete and total control of the environment around them, it is an extreme answer to a lost question. An extreme divergence from nature and all its unfair catastrophes. Only shadows of the distant past remain, going unnoticed or misunderstood to be the things of dreams. Although, to say that this was a perfect hive mind would be incorrect. There were individuals left amongst those who seem to simply flow along with the mind-current. Singular beings with their separate thoughts, hopes and dreams. Not quite outcasts but no longer average as the conversations seem to continue to dim from a chorus of voices to a smattering of discussion. The body on the floor belonged to one of these individuals, his name was Gar and he enjoyed his life traveling the electric fields. Being younger amongst the awaken ones, Gar had an energy that allowed him to visit most corners of the physical as well as the non-physical world within this home. Over time more and more of the complex converted from an older standard of human living place to the more cell like design. The occupants moved from physical social living to hooking up into a system that allowed them to live a life submerged in a dream space. A world had evolved where minds played mental games of chance testing the limits of the synapse. A forever place dedicated to enjoying the fight to push forward into the realms of the human mind. Programs to challenge in a way of games. Games as simple as perfecting breathing. Games that further the control of the flow of blood within the organic bodies, pumping from one entity to the next. Urine and feces irrigate through tubes running through walls down into the chambers below to brew and mix and sent out again as nourishment. Games that involve splitting apart materials and separating them for use elsewhere. Amongst these games are stranger ones still. A platform of hide and seek where the goal is to search for life outside and capture it to maintain sustenance. In this, the consciousness would wonder outside of the hive using small bird like appendages flying out at the end of never ending umbilical cords controlled by minds that feel the air hitting the “wings”. Minds navigating the now alien territory above that no human being had touched foot since so long ago. In an unrecognizable forest of countless dangers, the bird growths would continuously sweep the land, scouring its landscape for movement amongst the thick forests. Upon finding a rogue lifeform, it is challenged to hit its target. When a fast mind locks on to one of these increasingly rare creatures, a surging electrical pulse is shot out and renders it immobile. A celebration of chemicals is rewarded to the mind in control of the success. Meeker minded controllers send their scavengers to retrieve the winnings and bring it back to the hive. Upon arrival, the organic material is then separated and distributed back into the system in yet another game played by other minds. And so, the cycle goes. Every nuance of life within the hive maintained by many games played by many minds rewarded in accordance to its individual abilities to contribute to the common goal of survival. All the while they are unaware of what they have become. Unaware that they are in fact merging into one entity. Gar had played near every game within the system and mastered all available to him. The number of chemicals pumped into him as a reward had reached a point where they no longer had any real effect. An itching began in the back of his skull with dry crackling sound festering in the ears. Boredom crept in as a virus, infecting his functions, inhibiting his awareness. Gar dealt with this displeasure by choosing to leave the non-physical to explore the cavernous cells around him. He found it satisfying to be disconnected from the hive mind. In this older world, he only found a few scattered souls, usually broken minded from overworking themselves within the games. These weaker ones seemed confused and sick in their being, almost always unaware of his presence. He came upon one old man, a scruffy tired slumped over broken man of the name, Caleb. His features were larger then Gar’s, a wider face and body. The skin covering his bones seemed ill fitted like it did not belong to him. The old man wore a body suit like Gars but it was of a different color, red not blue and it had worn holes in various places. Caleb sat in a funny chair unlike any used in the cells. The chair was inorganic and worn out with bulges of foam poking out of rips and tares. Gar addressed the old man carefully for he had had frightening experiences in the past with other awaken ones. “I wish to speak.” A simple address used in the system. The old man looked up at Gar with a blurry gaze, woken from some distant sleep. At first the words from Caleb’s lips were mere mumblings strung along in fits and starts, but eventually Gar could understand much of it. “Speak…are you lost man?” Caleb wondered. “Lost?” said Gar. “Lost…you are not where you belong. You are violating your objectives…haven’t seen a face in this hole since the Near World began.” He paused and then said again slowly; “You must be lost.” “Near World?” Gar questioned. “Near World…the stupid place that all your vacant minds plug into. Lazy legged with your vacant eyes. Left me alone here, I have to service myself, you know!?!” Caleb swore under his breath after those last words, pounding his fists on his stomach in a gesture of frustration and hunger. “Why are you here, Caleb? Why aren’t you with us in the hive?” “Hive? It was once called Home.” Caleb shifted in his large chair. Strange items surrounded it, things Gar had never seen. A circler clear glass cylinder that grew smaller to the top filled a quarter with a dark grey fluid. A long thin blade with a black plastic wrapped around one end leaned against Caleb’s leg. Rectangular objects of various sizes piled upon each other haphazardly creating a half circle around the chair. Caleb took notice of Gar’s inquisitive eyes. “My possessions…you don’t understand the idea of a possession, do you?” Gar chose to ignore the question as Caleb’s tone felt aggressive and he was uncomfortable with the realization that he did not in fact know what he meant. Gar had never seen someone that looked anything like this before. No one ever seemed to stay out of their cell so long, even though they always could. The system was rewarding and nothing seemed to happen on the outside of it. He would walk around in near blackness and quiet. The silence was only occasionally broken by the guttural sound of the pathways and the sound of the bird like feelers flying by to do some unknown chore. Gar always wondered what the mind controlling the feelers thought of seeing him through its eye having been on the opposite side. No action ever occurred, only an adjustment to go around Gar on their way to some other duty. He had grabbed one out of curiosity and the thing stung him with a small electrical pulse that made him drop it. Gar watched in bemusement as it melted into the floor as it landed. It had forever been a weird rush in his bones being outside the system. The air was uncomfortable but had a taste to it that felt relaxing somehow. A secret to himself he never shared, these trips into the solid world helped him become the master controller he had become. It cleared his brain and challenged him in ways his words could never share with others. Gar sat with Caleb and talked for hours. As they continued, the speaking became easier, understanding followed. “Never hooked into the group…” Caleb spoke gesturing to the upward corridors. “Everyone left. Everyone I ever knew became a part of the monster. I kept going further up. I wanted to go outside to see the land we came from before we lived in holes.” “I’m sorry Caleb, I do not understand what else exists beyond here. Nothing is taught of that.” “That is the very problem, you see? Not ever knowing, never even thinking to question. You just are like the others when you want to know no more then what is given to you. We came here to escape death, but death we became anyway.” Gar was losing interest in this mad old man. It was becoming obvious to him that Caleb was broken. This old man’s mind was hurt, he must have wondered the halls until he had gotten lost and couldn’t find his way back to his cell. He had heard stories like this, they made anyone hesitant to awake. The system was safe. The system was home. Leaving it only caused unnecessary pain. “I was alone before I was alone. I never needed the drugs, I could never enjoy them. The others always wanted more. Never enough. Never ever enough.” Caleb’s crackly voice drifted in and out. “Thank you for the talk, but I’ll be going.” Gar got on his feet. “Take care not to go anymore up. You may see something that will hurt your mind like it hurt mine.” The tone was earnest in Caleb’s voice. A slight desperate sadness in its timber made Gar flinch. “I am un-damageable. I have won at every game I have ever played; I see this as any other.” Defiantly Gar turned his back and walked off feeling embarrassed by his boastfulness. Caleb called out, “Any other…You children know more about the dirt than the grass!” followed by a chuckle. The statement was completely lost on Gar. The center corridor of the hive was a boundless spiral so vast that one could not readily feel the change in gradation. Faint blue lights sporadically pulsated along the ceiling, as he approached they would flicker on then fade off as he passed. The color of the hall was a dark orange with splotches of dark brown and black with the corners being darker and flat wall areas lighter. Gar felt a sense of endlessness as he moved upward. His legs were numb from the work. The humming sound behind the walls became irregular the further he went. It occurred to him that he hadn’t seen a feeler in some time now. He knew that they were shoots behind the walls the feelers used as a pathway when they had to travel great distances to save energy. It would be safe to assume that nothing much happened on these levels yet there was much traffic to the higher floors. His curiosity was ablaze, how long had it been since anyone walked this far? It had been years since he last convinced anyone to unplug with him, the others he would regularly communicate within the system became lethargic outside of it. The energy used to move limbs was taxing, the brain function to control the body was foreign. The boredom of the physical drove others into a frenzy. The corridor came to what seemed to be a definite end at a large door, and as he walked up to it, it did not open. With no handles visible, a perplexed Gar decided to push on it but again it would not budge. What intensified his frustration was that the sounds on the other side were incredibly loud. He had never heard such frightening sounds that seemed to warn him away yet he couldn’t abide caution. What is this place? How could the hive possibly produce such horrible noises? Too tired to go back and too mentally exhausted to continue he sat down waiting for an answer, sometimes the best action was reflection. Gar thought back on his life as he knew it. Broken up in segments of play, he never questioned his origin, he knew it somehow. He just was. His first memory was waking in his cell looking through into the system with the beautiful lights that called to him. The first function of consciousness was to solve a problem that would allow him to receive liquid, even though he knew not of what it was or why he needed it. The first taste of moisture in his mouth relaxed him, so very rewarding. The next puzzle was to cure the pain he felt in his midsection. Again, he met the challenge and was full. Now he was here weak from hunger and confusion. Gar sat for days at the door at the end of the world going in and out of a sleep that he had never experienced. He had visions that disturbed him. Visions that programs broke down without his keen intellect. Visions that he was being chased by the very feelers he had once controlled. In his sleep, he began to sweat. The perspiration made him cold, he had never known coldness. This sensation made his dreams even more severe. He saw a floor of liquid in his mind. Vast and unending, it seemed as if it went on forever. He shed his protective layer and jumped into it. In the abyss, he saw creatures that had no tether. Creatures that flurried around in unimaginable ways that perplexed and mesmerized him. Their eyes had a depth that he couldn’t understand and they moved in ways that seemed impossible and surreal. The hunger in his belly grew into a pain that crippled him as the visions became angry. He awoke with the door melting away into the wall. He fell inside the room before he had a chance to consider it and as he got to his feet he was hit with a searing electrical charge that sent pain shooting through every inch of his being. A thick sensation of numbness began at the fingertips then traveled into the hands and up the arms then shot throughout the entire body. The vision from the eyes flickered then failed as he slid into unconsciousness. Gar awoke to find himself upside down, bound by tentacle-like cords growing out from the wall. It appeared that the hive itself, had decided to imprison him. The pain was shocking, his arms were tied above the bicep, pulled so tight it cut into his skin and ripped into the muscle itself. The same for his wrists, the cords around them were cutting off the blood to his hands so that the fingers couldn’t move. The tentacle around his neck wasn’t as tight but breathing and swallowing was a desperate fight. Around his waist three more cut into him. The legs were pulled against the bone in such a way that any movement shot needles into his spine. The knees pulled in so far that the knee caps floated away from the legs. He would have screamed but the lungs were near collapse. Directly underneath him was a large red stained hole like a gaping mouth. A deep noise emanating from its bowels boomed into his ears making it hard to concentrate. The circular room was full of strange machinery that he did not recognize yet he knew he was in the hive for the walls around him were the same orange material as the hall ways. One huge arm jutted out from the center of the room rotated around in uneven circles. The arm was guided by a beam of light bouncing off the walls and other objects it seemed to be “looking at”. Many other arms protruded from the ceiling and walls. Across the room he saw two other figures, familiar yet not. They were disgusting to him, ugly in that they were covered in hair. Dirty and wild looking, their parts were like his yet covered with loose materials that confused him. They writhed around fighting the constraints. One of these creatures locked eyes with him. A fiery intelligence leered back, but how was this possible? He watched as a bladed arm of the machine cut their throats, one then the other. Gar watched as the life literally drained away from them pouring into the shoots below. He watched as the now limp body was lifted to be blasted with steam, removing the outer layers and cleansed. He watched as they dropped into the tubes below. Gar understood that they were being fed into the system. He now knew that his life had been completely and utterly wrong. The world around him was corrupted in ways that decimated his very being. Bile arose into his mouth so he could taste the bitterness, taste the horror of the life he had lived without question. Gar was the best at killing. So good at following along and singing the praises of this horrible life. Taught to do a thing and rewarded so greatly for it, Gar had been a monster, the hand of death. What could he ever possibly do to balance out this that he had done? It was now his turn, the arm spun around and stopped right at his neck. He felt the warmth of the over worked blade as it hovered over his throat. He had spent his entire life motionless yet in complete control of his surroundings and now he will die fighting to move a single muscle, helplessly awaiting a dire fate. The blade stayed in place as time stopped. Gar stared at its edge, so perfect and still quite wet with the blood of its last kill. It seemed to be studying Gar. Was it looking for just the right place to insert death? The wait was madness. The blade retracted back into the waxen arm to be replaced with a two-pronged needle that thrust quickly into the corners of his eyes. They drove deep inside till he saw a burst of glorious light followed by the blackest black. Complete and total aloneness. No ear to listen to his voice. No one to watch him win or lose, if losing was a thing he could do. All in the dark. A quiet unlike quiet. Who would miss him? The program would continue without him. As before so it would be forever. The loneliness stretches on. Dark. Black. Quiet. Whispers of nothing. Here you are just a small little soul. It’s all in your fragile little hands, the world you have. Fear, pure fear. No one to save you, no comfort to be seen. The world collapses around you and you suffocate. You die. Nothing stands. Nothing lives. Death. Just death. Give in. We are just dirt in a mesh of skin. Brittle little nothings. A body is lifted from a dark blue lit room by waxen covered steel arms. It is mounted on a wall with holes. A blast of moisture hits and cuts and scrapes the skin. Blood flows through these holes only to disappear into the void. Little pricks into the veins send solutions running into the organs and finally, into the brain. An assessment has been made, this one will be put back into its proper place. It is needed in the system, a system where nothing goes to waste. It is decided that its cell was not properly maintained. The feed of chemicals was incorrectly proportioned. The cell will be sealed completely and a different controller with give the appropriate assortment. It is vital to keep the hive healthy and strong for it to continue to thrive. New games are written and are ready to be played. This unit will be given a new name and be assigned to a more complimentary and challenging batch. Others will be evaluated and redirected as necessary. A ripple is felt in the pulse. Controllers flinch in their seats as a new wave takes effect. A shuffling of protocol. Programs disappear to be replaced by new ones with parallel intentions. Older feelers fall to the floor and melt only to regenerate. The air is modified with a mixture to ensure correct environmental exposure. A moment, a flicker and its done.